Five

I've spent more time without you than I have with you this year. My life feels different. My life, no longer our life. I have reached the point where I realize that I'm going home to an empty place, I know I won't find you waiting for me on the couch, or in bed. I…

And the Oscar goes to…

“You're looking well!”, “You're doing so great!",“I'm so proud of you!” “And the Oscar goes to the widow with her eyebrows done!” Yes I do have some good moments and most of you have seen me in the upward climb of the rollercoaster. Few of you have seen, heard, or been on the receiving end…

Scatter

I slept very little Saturday night. I woke up Sunday morning thinking only of what I had to do that day. I didn’t want to. If I could pray over these ashes and know that by some big miracle you would rise up out of them, I would pray until my words ran out. This…

Saturday, Socks, Scrambled eggs.

Brian, It's Saturday morning. I remember waking up early on Saturday mornings to start breakfast for us. You would still be in bed, attempting to recreate the sound of train horns. Eggs, bacon and coffee, every Saturday morning. I knew the one sure way to wake you up would be to gently touch your cheek…

With This Ring

I took my wedding ring off today Brian. I remember the day you placed it on my finger, I remember looking deep into your eyes and knowing that you meant forever, and sweetheart, so did I. I proudly wore this golden band for 7 years, 11 months and 1 week. I remember you telling me…

Where were you?

Before you read this, please know that I have since dealt with the anger I felt that day, and at no point have I EVER wanted to harm myself. Grief is not logical, and many times anger isn't either. When the two mix it can be quite exhausting. I also want to say that God…